i've longed for the fREEdOM! to get myself free from exams and the burden of assignments, projects and etc loads... As going through the transition state, I know excitement is not all that awaits me...
Just like this morning, i would have enjoyed another happy breakfast time IF the sem pauses at its end...
no more works, no more lullabies, no more nights with lights on,
no more morning call...
I have successfully strived till the end of degree studies, now left intern, which i thought it would be a bigger space with more freedom to do wuteva i wish to, and see lil hope... but what have i done? i know it could be a wrong choice which leads me to an infinite regret, but i just let the brain decide at its conscious state, make a rational view on the path diverged to unforeseen, as blurred as i am now of my future...do i even know when i'm conscious when i'm not at all? what's coming in front, what's being left behind one by one... without me realising it... but i know, there is something that would never leave me... i know... and i am willing to... even maybe it has moved on too far that i thought i can choose not to realise a lil nor mind at all... because i would never be noticed... maybe i should just keep it buried deep forever... should i? no, can i?
the hectics gone, i am happy, which i should be...
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
ghost?
STOP CRYING YOU STUPID DUMB ASS! THERE IS NO SUCH THING IN YOUR ROOM!
YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY OVER STRESSED AND SUPER LACK OF REST!
T_T stay awake, let the light on till the morning and i shall be SAFE...
tomorrow morning exam >< holy sh*t...
YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY OVER STRESSED AND SUPER LACK OF REST!
T_T stay awake, let the light on till the morning and i shall be SAFE...
tomorrow morning exam >< holy sh*t...
Sunday, November 15, 2009
my "wonder"land
there is an unanswered question that doubted me for a long time. which keeps me wondering and linking and thinking too much making me much like a 3d, depressive desperate dumb! hate this me.
everytime things ended up unsuccessfully, why? maybe i shouldn't think about why... but i couldnt...
created more and more questions with uncertain answers and finally sinked into the world that i had to say hi to all the unwanted mes... no one see no one drag me out from it...
i want to know the answer but i'm scared at the same time to know. what if this is the best situation that i should maintain. what is in front that awaits? a higher peak or a cliff?
being calm in the middle of cross junction is hard, but it is the best way thus far for me to maintain the most optimum probability for all possibilities, which lead me to less wonders and negative thinking. kiasu i am, but every breath that i'm taking now is heavy enuff. living with body supported mental. i'll become insane soon.
many times the courage drives the words till my mouth but it just stopped there leaving my voice unspoken. i hate myself for doubting so much.
time will not stay in phase with my wonders, there will come a day when drivers no longer hold their temper, cars no longer choose to brake, traffic police no longer patient to persuade... ha ha ha... the one the me who still standing in the middle will die along with my wonders...
the questions stayed, the answers gone, i will be all alone.
everytime things ended up unsuccessfully, why? maybe i shouldn't think about why... but i couldnt...
created more and more questions with uncertain answers and finally sinked into the world that i had to say hi to all the unwanted mes... no one see no one drag me out from it...
i want to know the answer but i'm scared at the same time to know. what if this is the best situation that i should maintain. what is in front that awaits? a higher peak or a cliff?
being calm in the middle of cross junction is hard, but it is the best way thus far for me to maintain the most optimum probability for all possibilities, which lead me to less wonders and negative thinking. kiasu i am, but every breath that i'm taking now is heavy enuff. living with body supported mental. i'll become insane soon.
many times the courage drives the words till my mouth but it just stopped there leaving my voice unspoken. i hate myself for doubting so much.
time will not stay in phase with my wonders, there will come a day when drivers no longer hold their temper, cars no longer choose to brake, traffic police no longer patient to persuade... ha ha ha... the one the me who still standing in the middle will die along with my wonders...
the questions stayed, the answers gone, i will be all alone.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
lost in the maze
just realised that i've stunned long before starting this line.
i'm lost. in a maze no one realised, why?
cant get myself out.
what if it is forever.
nothing else i can do to merge all into one to direct me over.
paused. no return.
trying to see and feel everything. how long it will last. at least to make this pause a memorable one.
a beautiful one.
not a game. no bet. no rewards. find your own way and you will see what the fate wants from you.
i will try.
i'm lost. in a maze no one realised, why?
cant get myself out.
what if it is forever.
nothing else i can do to merge all into one to direct me over.
paused. no return.
trying to see and feel everything. how long it will last. at least to make this pause a memorable one.
a beautiful one.
not a game. no bet. no rewards. find your own way and you will see what the fate wants from you.
i will try.
Monday, November 2, 2009
entry dat replaced BR's fantasy, coz i forgot!
Today! @ SungaiWangPlazaKL (1/11/09)
went to dig dress for my sister today for her school dinner with theme of Flora and Fauna. HAHAHA, she has no idea and so dragged me along to choose for her. So, we went there and “previewed” every shops that we walked by and I realized that erm… WE both have no idea… =.=
Then, thing always turned out alright within the last minutes. So, after the dress chaos, MY SIS BROUGHT me to McD to, again for me, have the fifth McDeluxe set meal within two weeks time. So… no comment… the fries, the burger… super delicious! LOL!
AND…
While waiting for dad, there was this booth of Sloggi where many ladies were standing around filling up forms and we saw the staffs giving away a small package to them in return. Then while both of us wondering if they would come to us, coz we were standing quite near to them and waiting there do nothing, suddenly a beautiful young lady approached us with forms for contact details. So no doubt, we just filled up after she telling us that it was for their company to send out samples or information in order to see the response or get comments from public. Then she handed over a small package to each of us also and later we had a photo shot with her in front of the Sloggi’s poster taken by another staff. We don’t really know what was that photo shooting for but we guess it’s probably taken as some proofs or results to be reported to the company later. We opened and glanced what’s inside. It was a nicely folded panty. So we both laughed and walked away after that.
Until when we got into car and took it out while telling the story to our dad, oh my god! that two thingies are actually T-back underwears!!! LMAO!!!
not to forget, no I won’t forget, I bought this t-shirt at Isetan LOT10 when we walked by the entrance and saw them displayed there and available at the Isetan’s supermarket. So me and sis went down there and looked for that t-shirt, I was captivated simply by the words “I love food” on it. Oh my god, it totally describes me. With no doubt I should buy, this is what first came across my mind and I feel very happy and satisfied after paying for it. See this is how human brain work, it makes prompt decisions when it comes to matter of favourites and often slow to switch into logic mode. It’s always too late when people realized the domination of desire. That is the power of commercialization. and I’m still very happy with that t-shirt without any regrets. haha see, how slow I am!
AND...
this is the picture of my once-crazed-over egg tart, and it still satisfied me in the morning coz it's bought by my dad, he claimed that it's my morning starter haha, and while the tart started my day, my mom baked blueberry muffins for my supper! (she was very happy to bake something categorized as proven successful ~lol~ of course i helped her out la, she was somehow tired coz just back from working) hehehe...
went to dig dress for my sister today for her school dinner with theme of Flora and Fauna. HAHAHA, she has no idea and so dragged me along to choose for her. So, we went there and “previewed” every shops that we walked by and I realized that erm… WE both have no idea… =.=
Then, thing always turned out alright within the last minutes. So, after the dress chaos, MY SIS BROUGHT me to McD to, again for me, have the fifth McDeluxe set meal within two weeks time. So… no comment… the fries, the burger… super delicious! LOL!
AND…
While waiting for dad, there was this booth of Sloggi where many ladies were standing around filling up forms and we saw the staffs giving away a small package to them in return. Then while both of us wondering if they would come to us, coz we were standing quite near to them and waiting there do nothing, suddenly a beautiful young lady approached us with forms for contact details. So no doubt, we just filled up after she telling us that it was for their company to send out samples or information in order to see the response or get comments from public. Then she handed over a small package to each of us also and later we had a photo shot with her in front of the Sloggi’s poster taken by another staff. We don’t really know what was that photo shooting for but we guess it’s probably taken as some proofs or results to be reported to the company later. We opened and glanced what’s inside. It was a nicely folded panty. So we both laughed and walked away after that.
Until when we got into car and took it out while telling the story to our dad, oh my god! that two thingies are actually T-back underwears!!! LMAO!!!
outcomes of today^^
hahaha… wondering when are we gonna wear these pieces of P&C…
not to forget, no I won’t forget, I bought this t-shirt at Isetan LOT10 when we walked by the entrance and saw them displayed there and available at the Isetan’s supermarket. So me and sis went down there and looked for that t-shirt, I was captivated simply by the words “I love food” on it. Oh my god, it totally describes me. With no doubt I should buy, this is what first came across my mind and I feel very happy and satisfied after paying for it. See this is how human brain work, it makes prompt decisions when it comes to matter of favourites and often slow to switch into logic mode. It’s always too late when people realized the domination of desire. That is the power of commercialization. and I’m still very happy with that t-shirt without any regrets. haha see, how slow I am!
AND...
~home sweet home~
Sunday, November 1, 2009
October's Chaos
These photos should summarize my OCTOBER~
Convo’09のしゃしん@ UMP (031009)
Interview @ Balakong Selangor(051009)
MCCのしゃしん @ ParkRoyalHotel
~1st night~061009
~2nd day~ 081009
TOO busy No pic@@-
~3rd day~091009
thank god that i have this buddy who stays near to the bus terminal to walk there and buy ticket for me before sold out. it was totally rush hour to make myself arrive by 5pm even i left the conference half an hour earlier, monorail is good.
after 3 plus half an hour, i finally reach kuantan's terminal, my frens came fetch me... and after another rush hour (30minutes) of total overhaul on me in the wash room, finally there i appeared in...
PromNite@ MS Garden Kuantan (091009)
many photos were taken on that night, this is one of them
the funny thing was, after the party ended, we got back to ump and i have to carry my bulky luggages with accumulated unwashed clothes and all "tools" including laptops, chargers, etc... wuteva=.= and climb up to third floor, IN THAT HI HEELS! aiyo... my dress almost dropped and i've got no more free hand to pull lar... it was so terrible luckily i entered the hostel gate edi and nobody there to see coz it was after 12am already... swt~
New Room
this is the new room that i'm staying now with my exed-current roomate^^
Midnight Craze 12am-4.30am@McD TelukCempedak (170910)
sudden idea that bang into my brain when i was so numb after a short nap at night (haha) and i totally not in the conscious state to continue my works. need something different to refresh.
PT UMP ’09 @ W block UMP (170910)
Yingying’s Wedding buffet @ her house^^ (231009)
this is my same year cousin. how I wish I could also get a shoulder, so that...
... I DON'T HAVE TO DO THESE ANNOYING WORKS!
Dateline aka Deadline (291009)
FYP: program, thesis, slide, abstract, evaluation forms
Princ.OfComm. : group assignment
Elec.InstallationDesign: Lab1DialuxReport, AutoCADassignment, Tutorial
PowerSystemDistr.&High Volt. : LightningProtectionReport
After all these, plus times of travel between Gambang and Pekan, Pahang and KL, I’m still able to blog now... still alive... (yes my roomate kept checking whether i was still breathing in my sleep, LOL!) uh… here I am… after few days of continuous and non-continuous uncountable times of overnight slaving over mountains of work, I must shout this to myself…
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICASPIALIDOCIOUS!
HAHAHA!
by the way, I spent 4 times at McD for Spicy Chicken McDeluxe during the last two weeks partially because of the COKE’s contour glass meal but I didn’t collect all ten of them. I only have blue, clear, and (…had) royal purple (coz I accidentally dropped it on floor >< )
these should be more than enough to end my october =)
happy enough
wondered enough
depressed enough
worth enough
stressed enough
McD-ed enough
LOL
p/s : those who have accompanied me throughout my depressed times and stressed out nights, MANY THANKS and MUACKSS!!! ありがとうございます^^
the memories are forever
Convo’09のしゃしん@ UMP (031009)
sheeyan’s convo!!! congratz~
MCCのしゃしん @ ParkRoyalHotel
~1st night~061009
...future boss! lol!
~1st day~071009
brazillian food vs café’s food, hahaha…
the best thing that came after the food was the bed after the tiring day~
~2nd day~ 081009
TOO busy No pic@@-
~3rd day~091009
last day of conference which ended at 5pm…
after 3 plus half an hour, i finally reach kuantan's terminal, my frens came fetch me... and after another rush hour (30minutes) of total overhaul on me in the wash room, finally there i appeared in...
PromNite@ MS Garden Kuantan (091009)
Night of Glory* which already started at 8pm++
many photos were taken on that night, this is one of them
Final year seniors of FKEE!
the funny thing was, after the party ended, we got back to ump and i have to carry my bulky luggages with accumulated unwashed clothes and all "tools" including laptops, chargers, etc... wuteva=.= and climb up to third floor, IN THAT HI HEELS! aiyo... my dress almost dropped and i've got no more free hand to pull lar... it was so terrible luckily i entered the hostel gate edi and nobody there to see coz it was after 12am already... swt~
New Room
this is the new room that i'm staying now with my exed-current roomate^^
*after cleaning jobs* exhausted to the limit!
Midnight Craze 12am-4.30am@McD TelukCempedak (170910)
sudden idea that bang into my brain when i was so numb after a short nap at night (haha) and i totally not in the conscious state to continue my works. need something different to refresh.
but what happened was it ended up with a video chat with our dear Miss Jacklyn thru skype and all works were forgotten. yippie! this is the style seniors should have!
webcam is good^^ you can see the food we have over here but you cannot eat, faster come back to M'sia, you are borned to eat hot and spicy (chicken McDeluxe) food such as sambal! LOL~
3 on 3 Basketball match and Tomyam crave@ Sinar Tomyam (180910)
we got second place, AGAIN!!! but after the long scorching sun bath and strenuous game, we deserve the best tomyam of Pahang! ahahah
Yingying’s Wedding buffet @ her house^^ (231009)
this is my same year cousin. how I wish I could also get a shoulder, so that...
~Pretty and Handsome~
... I DON'T HAVE TO DO THESE ANNOYING WORKS!
Dateline aka Deadline (291009)
FYP: program, thesis, slide, abstract, evaluation forms
Princ.OfComm. : group assignment
Elec.InstallationDesign: Lab1DialuxReport, AutoCADassignment, Tutorial
PowerSystemDistr.&High Volt. : LightningProtectionReport
After all these, plus times of travel between Gambang and Pekan, Pahang and KL, I’m still able to blog now... still alive... (yes my roomate kept checking whether i was still breathing in my sleep, LOL!) uh… here I am… after few days of continuous and non-continuous uncountable times of overnight slaving over mountains of work, I must shout this to myself…
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICASPIALIDOCIOUS!
HAHAHA!
by the way, I spent 4 times at McD for Spicy Chicken McDeluxe during the last two weeks partially because of the COKE’s contour glass meal but I didn’t collect all ten of them. I only have blue, clear, and (…had) royal purple (coz I accidentally dropped it on floor >< )
these should be more than enough to end my october =)
happy enough
wondered enough
depressed enough
worth enough
stressed enough
McD-ed enough
LOL
p/s : those who have accompanied me throughout my depressed times and stressed out nights, MANY THANKS and MUACKSS!!! ありがとうございます^^
the memories are forever
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