my "wonder"land

there is an unanswered question that doubted me for a long time. which keeps me wondering and linking and thinking too much making me much like a 3d, depressive desperate dumb! hate this me.
everytime things ended up unsuccessfully, why? maybe i shouldn't think about why... but i couldnt...
created more and more questions with uncertain answers and finally sinked into the world that i had to say hi to all the unwanted mes... no one see no one drag me out from it...

i want to know the answer but i'm scared at the same time to know. what if this is the best situation that i should maintain. what is in front that awaits? a higher peak or a cliff?

being calm in the middle of cross junction is hard, but it is the best way thus far for me to maintain the most optimum probability for all possibilities, which lead me to less wonders and negative thinking. kiasu i am, but every breath that i'm taking now is heavy enuff. living with body supported mental. i'll become insane soon.

many times the courage drives the words till my mouth but it just stopped there leaving my voice unspoken. i hate myself for doubting so much.

time will not stay in phase with my wonders, there will come a day when drivers no longer hold their temper, cars no longer choose to brake, traffic police no longer patient to persuade... ha ha ha... the one the me who still standing in the middle will die along with my wonders...

the questions stayed, the answers gone, i will be all alone.